business and family

so goes the saying of business & family…. i know i know…

but does anyone know of someone that would stab there family in the back over business?

would you value your friends over your family?

i hold my friends in high regard, but push comes to shove blood first…

this is all really stemming from something that just really urked me yesterday… i just cant believe it happened, well i dont know what is happening but this is my business aint no one telling me how to run it except for me, and aint no one gonna undermine all my efforts.

i am so erked and the fucked up thing is, its my brother that i could talk to about everything and now he is just making me want to cut him off, but i’ll never do that, except i guess in business.

thats why incest is so wrong, because your family i guess can fuck you over the worst in this day and age.

AIR SITAR HERO

AIR SITAR HERO

just absolutely amazing.

define yourself with the past

when we think of certain things that can help define who you are as a person now, i always tend to look at the past to see how the shit i did made me who i am today.

so for my viewing pleasure and yours here’s a blast from about 12yrs ago…. its an oldie but a goodie..

Life Updated ver 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510

I hope someone would understand the title.

So lately I have been extremely caught up with work and surprisingly enough work has been a stressful type of fun… you know the fun that you just can’t away from.

So it’s that darn time ago to take stock in one’s own life….. hahaha SIKE!

I have been wanting to blog on the fact that since this dam LA Nina weather, all its been is storms, thunder, lighting and since I am working in the Philippines, humid as hell. There has been this sick side of me ever since the start of these dam weather patterns, I have been thinking a lot about lightning. The fact that during a lightning storm touches down only a few kilometers away is somewhat exciting.

I was just thinking if I were to die by the cause of mother nature, I would like to be struck down by lightning. Because really it’s a 33% chance I’ll die / 33% chance I could turn into powder / (here comes the optimism) 34% that nothing could happen… I bet most of you who might chance on reading this are just thinking why would he be thinking about such things. Well to answer that question, I’ve always been interested in lightning and what it could actually do to you. Like what if I had the same powers as powder or if I could control shit with my mind… I know for a fact that if I could only increase the ability to not be so sedentary at times then I could actually maximize the storage capacity of my brain, because I do have an enormous bank of ridiculous knowledge.

Well what else can I talk about, well I have finally stop playing games with girls, I have gone back to the days of when I had no censorship module installed… like I hate to say it but being who I am (background attitude etc) its very easy to influence local girls and to give them hope (by hope … they feel that they are in love with you), but I find that its becoming an issue of stalkerism (my word, at least I hope it is).. so lately I have just been blunt to almost everyone except for perspective clients who would like to give me lots of money (but that’s a whole other blog entry in itself). So there were 2 girls from the recent past that I thought contact had ended… but turned around late night called and texted saying I miss you and all this other crap (the best part of this is that the 2 girls decided to contact me on the same night) I gave them the following speech:

I thought we had a clear understanding on how things ended, we both agreed that this wasn’t really going anywhere and you felt that I couldn’t give you the attention that you wanted. I really feel now that things have not changed since we parted ways and the fact that you cant find a decent guy isn’t really my fault, because I know I may have not been the “IDEAL” guy, I knew I could always bring a smile to your face and show you a good time, but the good times just done ran out. And really it’s YOU and not Me and this conservation is done… hopefully you learned your lesson and maybe next time you wont call someone in the middle of the night because your jonesing. Night.

I pretty much gave that speech twice in a span of about 15mins then proceeded to feel a hint of guilt about the way I acted, but when a relationship dulls and the girl tells you that you cant give her the attention that she wants, then for me that means its time to move on… I mean don’t get me wrong I am in search of a girl (but every girl that I have a triste with doesn’t seem to fall into the personality traits that I am looking for, but more on the fact that they are seen as prey and they are easy on the eyes and cause jealously amongst the other wolves of the pack). I really need to ask myself what am I looking for, I mean do I need another accessory that might give me an allergic reaction or do I try to find substance… I know its shallow of me to talk like this (and by no means do I find myself to be god’s gift to women / more like satan’s unpleasant surprise) but its just so many games… I actually find myself intimidated by girls that I find myself attracted to their personality than the way they look (so intimidated to the point I think I actually try toooooo hard) I mean I cant really find that girl that is interested in the same things that I am interested in. Why cant I just run into a girl who can throw back a few drinks and not be sloshed, play video games, loves TV (if you’ve read any other of my posts you’ll know that I love me some TV), I don’t know just the little things that simply overcome the big things. And I know this is going to sound very cliché but every girl I find that satisfies the intellectual prowess that I am looking for already as a weirdo of a boyfriend, being that most of the time that I get along with their boyfriends makes it even harder for me to throw down the evil gauntlet and try to wisk her away.

Lets close this part of the entry off now.

What else can we talk about (the reason why I am really updating is because I have been meaning to do so but I also don’t have that much work to do today, so it leaves time to do something to escape reality.

The whole fitness thing with the involvement of my life has been sporadic to say the least, but I have been pretty good for the last 2 days (even though the 2 weeks prior I have been in a complete vegetative state [well that's how work makes me feel])

Okay writers block. Done and I’m out.

 

so i gave back into social networks…. well i never really gave it up.

so i’ve been bored lately and have had some serious mental blocks in terms what i am doing with my day to day… you get to a point where you just cant be a fucking vegetable and be me basically….

so i was bored and was trolling around my chosen social network and decided to post a bulletin which said:

on the real…. why cant i meet a cool down to earth girl…. not a lil hoochie mama with no substance… i know i shouldnt be talking since i look like a bum most of the places i go…. and to be honest i dont really want to go trolling around the clubs anymore, since all the girls i met there are of 2-types of bitchy(with a couple exceptions and 1 of them just wont give me the time of day) but i guess i do know which buttons to mash and in which sequence to activate bitch-tastic mode…. hahaha…. i just needed that very public avenue to vent….
as a side bar…. if your 33 years old(as of today) and was never really into “people” networks (i.e. facebook) what do you think would compel you to start that account…. wow thats even more random than usual… additional comments to this bulletin would be appreciated.

• surprisingly enough i did receive comments
• surprisingly enough i didnt receive the attention that i really wanted
• surprisingly enough i am still bored and now have 5 additional friends on my social network which i will systematically delete just to fuck with them… haha evil @ core.

lets just say social networks dont seem to help equate to improved social lives, i find things are much easier to write the typical bull shit on a daily now as compared to when i first started all this bloggishness. it seems to be my only connection to the strangers of this world. because if i wasnt doing this then i would be racking my head trying to write a proposal for a surveillance system that i cant seem to put down into words… i thought by writing, it would motivate me even more to work hard….

hmmm lets do a daily journal entry now:

today is 04.29.2008 in the late morning

dear diary,

last night went out with some potential funders and we had dinner, ate to much and didnt get to sleep til 330 in the AM…

the end.

i havent worked out in about a week and 0.5 days and yes goals of being the skinny fuck have been put on the back burner since work provides enough stress related weight loss as it is… but i think i kind of prefer to be the fat fuck…. thats just cool.

well my brain is racked and i need to do some other mindless activity and hopefully jump start my brain to complete these dam tasks at hand.

late.

Feb 21, 2003 … wow things can change in 5yrs & change

I know I know, I was a very good writer in terms of grammatical correctness… but hey I still am that guy for sure… I definitely need to find the first part of this story… anyways this just makes for good laugh and reminiscing moment.

And I guess posting things from what I wrote in the past helps with keeping this blog more active even though this is not some new refreshing topic for me to discuss with myself and the anonymity of the world… o well takes up space..

Life Story: Rules of thumb

There are many rules of thumb in life.
Today’s rule of thumb deals with those “dealings of
the heart.” Again I am writing some factual
information about people who have decided to share
their experiences with me and in much respect to them
I’ve decided to keep their anonymity by not using any
names what so ever, as compared to my last story (for
the names were provided by the as people would call
him the protagonist). So lets continue to the story
at hand.

As I’ve been my usual self and being the
observant one that I am, I’ve noticed that a major
rule of thumb when dealing with the heart is to first
don’t listen to your heart right away. I met someone
who would always lead with his heart (everyone might
know him, because he is one and the same from the
last story), and it would always get him into
trouble. For though he did analyze parts of the
situation he never analyzed himself and the things he
was doing. And that’s why it got him into so much
trouble.

Also to take a small tangent from this
story this is a continuation of the last story,
because this story contains the girl’s side from the
last story. So let us first move forward with that.
So the young man finally acted on which option he
should take and he mixed and matched all of them
together as recommended by the readers. Initially he
decided to chose option #2

Force himself to not like this girl anymore and just
try to be friends with

her even though he likes her so much and has some
many different feelings

for her, that he didn’t even have for that first girl
he was infatuated with.

And he really, really has been working on forcing
himself on not liking this girl anymore and has been
trying to be friends but it really didn’t work out.
Then he decided to move to option #4

Actually talk to STRIKER and let her know how he has
been feeling and

tell her all the feelings he has for her and see what
happens, and hop it doesn’t

affect their friendship or maybe, just maybe have
that special opportunity

to have a chance to spark something extremely
special with STRIKER.

And oh did he move onto option #4 he didn’t really
dwell on option #2 for too long. So he told her and
everything and basically laid himself on the line as
he usually does, and then boom she laid it on him. He
showed up on the radar as an extremely flirty friend,
not even considered in the “what if” category. Even
his friend who he thought caused all the drama ranked
higher than he did. She then went ahead to explain
the whole story to him. What was happening was that
she was still in love with her EX and she just
couldn’t let go of him. She explained to him that
though he did cheated on her and could have had the
chance to treat her better, she still had enormous
feelings for her EX. To quote her on how much she
still loved him, “I don’t know, I know he did me
wrong… but its just that he was the first guy in a
long time since my last boyfriend that I could give
my whole self too.” So she went o! n explaining to
him that she was still “sprung
over her EX and that his timing was extremely bad
(personally, I think his timing shouldn’t of come at
all if you understand that). So after he told her
everything and she basically laid it on him that,
your not that kind of person to me, he then moved to
option #1

Just cut his loses and move on. And basically cut her
off completely

from his life, so that he has the ability to function
and not get hurt.

Well so since he moved onto this option he has been
able to cope with most of his life and get back to
the things he was doing that made his life normal
well at least to him. But he has told me that he
hasn’t cut her off completely, he has just set things
into motion in which he’s not making all that great
an effort to associate with her (and even I know that
cutting someone out of your life isn’t the best thing
to do but, I can feel for the guy). It’s just that I
see and everyone else should see that they just need
time apart to think about what has happened and what
has been said, then move on from there. Because ever
since the moment that they had their talk, nothing
would or could have ever been the same. So I hope
there was some clarification on to what happened and
on maybe what will happen in the future. This will
probably the last installment on what happens between
those to because I’ve lost contact ! girl so I can
really fill you in with both sides of the story.

Now back to the story, what was being
discussed again? Oh yes rules of thumb. We had
basically just got done with “dealings with the
heart”, now onto something else that touches a little
closer to home for myself. It is somewhat unusual
that something would be happening to me, but hey with
life things happen.

This rule of thumb is dealing with
friendships. “Friendship” that is a very strong word,
and a lot of people take it for granted. And I am a
person who takes all my friendships for granted, to
the point that I begin to lose them due to
uncontrolled circumstances. So let me just get onto
the story, I have these really close friends (2
really close friends that out of most people
understand my shit) and lately we’ve all grown apart
from each other and it has been really hard.

So here goes the situation, they’re in
college and I decided not to go and now they’re in a
fraternity and I am not. And this is where it really
gets juicy, I find myself losing 2 of the closest
people in my life, just because we’re growing apart
and I know I can only burden them with my presence
for so long. I know this isn’t quite making sense but
oh well. It just so hard for me to cope with a lot of
the things going on in my life and not be able to
have my buds to take off some of the pressure. Before
the whole fraternity it was hard for us to be
separated aside from out daily lives and the things
we had to do, but now I work so much and they have
their own thing, its just that I don’t know what to
do. And I know this is the little girl in me but its
really, really hard to know that were all growing u!
p and moving on. Its not like I’m losing them, but it
just feels that way because we all just have our own
thing. But what I’m really trying to say is that a
good rule of thumb when it comes to friendships, is
know that no matter they’ll still be there for you.

Now its time for a personal entry, no rule
of thumb well maybe your just going to have to find
them for yourself. It’s been typical me lately and
once again I find myself on the brink as to what I
should do, I’m pretty intent on not enrolling in the
university of Washington though I was accepted this
spring and am very decided and picking up and moving
down to California. I know I’m going to be leaving my
friends and I know that I’m going to have to build
something of myself and start fresh down in San
Francisco, but I’m somewhat excited to get a fresh
start. Just because everything here in Washington for
me is really nothing, not to say that my friends and
the things I have accomplished here is nothing. I
guess its just that there is nothing left for me to
do here, I’ve only finally realized that I am a! n
adult capable of making my own decisions without
having to stress about what other people think. But I
was never a person who cared what other people,
except for those times of weakness when I left my
defenses down for those dam girls. Oh well, enough of
the hiding right? I thought so. The last story was a
personal experience written in a biographical way,
just for my own personal benefit.

Honestly I don’t really care anymore who I
share what I right with anymore because I find that
it is a great opportunity for me to release things
that I otherwise couldn’t ever say. So for me this is
a great way to tell people things. And now a little
chance to tell people some things:

Chris-

Well Chris what is there to say, you’ve been like a
brother to me. Shit you are a brother to me (cause
sure as hell, we can argue like were related) man its
been awhile since those first days we used to hangout
and all that good stuff. I know we’ll always stay
bros no matter what, well that’s just how I feel
about the whole situation and everything that goes
with that. I don’t now what to say because were
always pretty much on the same wavelength about
things so you know what I’m thinking. Hey I don’t
know if I do it enough or even at all but I just want
to thank you for your help and being there for me and
you know I love you man and don’t even stress because
the DOC DOC will always be on our side.

Nick-

Ok nick first things first, I know you want to punch
me in the face and I mean I know you want just punch
me in the face a lot. And hey if you really feel the
need to I’m not going to stop you because shit, I
couldn’t really do anything about the situation, if
it ever did come up. Dang man we’ve gone through some
shit over the years and your doing your thing and I’m
doing my thing. Your one of the friends that has
really been able to put up and give me shit right
back. Not to many people can do that, but shit not
many people could bare my ass. I just want to thank
you also, for being such a homie and all that good
stuff, and like I said with chris were always pretty
much on the same wavelength. So that’s about it.

Brian-

Ok there isn’t much to say, but you’re a homie till
the bitter end. You’ll never get rid of my ass and I
know its going to be the same for me. I know we argue
hella and I know you argue hella, but hey shit
happens. Ok now onto the meat of this, I’d like to
thank you also, just for being a friend and also for
helping me out with a whole lot of shit (i.e when I
was drunk, parking passes, everything)

laptop issue solved with Nintendo Wii + Apple USB Keyboard

so i finally got the wii up and running again, after a very long hiatus….
speakers are setup so i got some beats in the room again aside from that generated from the tv….

so a little more indepth about how My Nintendo Wii + a Apple USB keyboard solved the needed for me to get a laptop immediately.
1. the nintendo wii has an option for a web browser developed by opera.
2. recently updated the firmware of my wii, which enable the wii to have a usb keyboard plus into it.
3. so i updated the firmware and then download internet connnect and then proceded to plug in the first usb keyboard i had available… which was a visiontek ipod keyboard (that unfortunately did not work out and i almost lost hope), then i remembered that i had a spare apple keyboard…. plugged it in and then crossed my fingers as i accessed the internet connect wii-ware to see if it was operational….. low and behold it works.
4. so over the last few hours i have been able to browse the internet and pretty much open every website without any issues… even watch videos from one of my favorite sites watchTVsit_coms….

and now i am sitting (well laying in bed in front of my 42″ tv, typing away on my blog…. now if this dam tv only had a properly working PIP then i could watch tv and surf the net on one screen and then i definitely wouldnt be leaving my room….

anyways that its for now…. i will blog more later… since i have more avenues to be blogging…

ahhhhh i love toys.

So it’s a Friday… and I found MS Word simplifies blogging life.

I like writing in big font it makes me feel very special (you know like a special child).

So today I found that MS Word 2007 has the ability for me to type my blogs and then publish them, now I have the power of spell check and also grammar check which would make me feel like a robot.

I haven’t really done all the much lately, so I have nothing really interesting to talk about…

Well there are a couple interesting things that I hope come to fruition… yesterday I had a big proposal meeting with this private organization in which I hope will say ok and give me and my partners lots of money to make their MIS…. If that happens I will be a happy little child.

Also today I did my first orientation for our nursing school, I fumbled through the whole thing and still they seemed interested. I really hope that lady has her nephew sign up and gives us funds…

I mean I hope I don’t sound like I am money hungry or anything, but these companies I am a part of are progressing a little too slow for my taste and I would like things to materialize just a little bit faster.

As a side not to life, nothing has been going on… which for me is somewhat relaxing that I get to enjoy my “borrowed” in-theatres now movies and watch them on my big TV that directly in front of my springy-ass bed (man I need a posterpedic).

A couple weeks ago I did have a major scare with the air conditioner unit in my room and it was a very HOTT 3 days with only having fans to cool my big butt off, but we are good now or should I say I am cold again (not that my heart isn’t an icicle as it, HAHA.. self-depricating humor at its best).

Hmmm….. twat else s deer poor me to tok boot///

O last week I was bored and I decided to bust out the canon rebel to mess around with since it has just sat in my room for the last for months up until the point of last week…

So here is a picture of what I stare at on a daily basis:

now lets ANALyze my view. Well my desk now consists of 2 bottles of vitamins – 1 of a fortified vitamin c and the other is a multi-vitamin (primarily taken before working out), always have the pooder on my desk and is constantly being updated, the nokia e61i (gotta stay connected to the world, literally), my purple lexan glass water bottle (500mL) – which is filled about 2-5 times while at dutifully working (ya right bitches!), no more honey bunches of oats bars (dam S&R and not having them available), message pad – is still on the 2^nd page since I don’t get that many messages or really take any messages (eat that), then the 2 radiation emitting screens that is slowly giving me a tumor I bet – not that the cell phone doesn’t contribute either, my comfy mouse and pad – extreme essential for the web browsing freak that I am (if it don’t got a back button it don’t got a home with me)….

So aside from the things listed, I guess I don’t care what else is on my desk… I am just so bored and this is my typing exercise for the day since yesterday I typed a 3 page proposal and re-did the company profile to become more streamlined.

What else is there for me to talk about before I hit the dam publish button… well as of right now I think I should be okay with this amount of words that came from the dam nothingness of my brain.

As a side note, if you are one of my friends in IRL (yes Ireland, not don’t be a dumb beezy and go watch the movie “The Net”) then this blog is by far the best representation of who I currently am, but the likelihood of my friends in IRL really read my blog is quite slim since they think I am far and removed from this “scene”…. Well to that I say kick rocks bitches….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

Thanks and have a nice day..

continuation

so what have i been talking about lately….

well it has been nice since i have been able to reach outside of my normally writing sphere..

i was talking about dreams and what not but i was interrupted by work and i just could write anymore. lately i have just been feeling pretty burnt out and not in the mood to do anything. even now, its 1030 in the morning (a time in which i am normally at the gym) and i am doing nothing but typing away on this blog.

i recently got in contact with the last love of my life, and it was brief. to be honest, i didnt expect to make contact with her for a good long time and just be able to hold my feelings deep within the undiscovered areas of my soul.  i am just so very out of it right now.

this is what i get for pausing and just not continually writing.

i’m done again.. peace bitches.

dreams

i havent really been writing much because i cant really think (well cant really put into written words) what i am thinking.

i have been thinking about something that when your young, you never seem to lose hope of… but as you grow older and things dont make it into fruition you start to realize that reality sets in and those things that you hoped for arent ever going to be there.

what i am talking about is dreams.

i have had alot of dreams in the last 24 years of my life (and i’m prolly half way to being dead) and right now those dreams are running in short demand for me. when i was younger i could dream with the best of them, but there was always one problem i could never see those dreams. no matter how hard i tried i could never really see those dreams…

i’ll continue this more later.